just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
