i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
