Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
