Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
