Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
