Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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