Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
