I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
