She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
