I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
