You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
