The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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