He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
