I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
