I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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