He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There r osticjed everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
