cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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