I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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