I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
