they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
