i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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