My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
