Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
