Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sober January is a disaster.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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