At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
