and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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