"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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