3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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