just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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