theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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