woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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