if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
