I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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