He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
