Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
