So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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