I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
