It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
