She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
