yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
this is an emotional support booty call
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