I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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