You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
