If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
