to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
