Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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