You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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