In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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