My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
