He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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