apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize