My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
