He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
