GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
