Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Damn victory sex feels great
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
