pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
