ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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