So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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