Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My balls are so social today.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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