It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
