Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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