we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do nipples grow back?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
