Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
