its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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