it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
