Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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