so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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