My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
