Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
