Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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