i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize