I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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