You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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