Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
